男人们,请把这个贴在你家冰箱上,然后抱头鼠串…

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
(终于有一个家伙肯花时间把下面这些写下来了)

Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear ” the rules”
From the female side….
(我们总听到从女人角度说起的“规矩”)

Now here are the rules from the male side.
(现在有了从男人角度所说的“规矩”)

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ”
ON PURPOSE!
(这些是我们的规矩。请注意。这些规矩故意排列成清一色的一号。)

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
(FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
(最重要的规矩:男人不会读心。)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
(女人应该学习放下抽水马桶座位,不要指望男人用完后帮你放下。)

1. Sunday sports or news, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
(星期天的运动节目或新闻很重要,让男人去看)

1. Crying is blackmail.
(哭泣是一种敲诈。)

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
(需要什么直接清晰的说出来,不要指望男人懂得你的暗示。)

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
(每个问题都可以用“是”或“不是”来回答。)

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
(需要男人解决问题时再告诉男人你们的烦恼。需要同情时请找你们的女朋友。)

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
(吵架时不要提我们六个月前说的话。我们说的话七天后无效。)

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
(如果你觉得你胖那你很可能胖。不要问我。)

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
(如果我们说的话可以理解成两种意思,其中一种让你们难过或生气,我们指的其实是另外那种意思。)

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
(你可以叫我们去做某事,或者告诉我们你希望某事被做,但别两种说法同时使用。如果你已经知道该怎么做才最好,你就自己做。)

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
(如果可能的话,你最好在广告的时候再讲话。)

1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.
(库克船长不需要知道方向,我们也不需要。)

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
(所有男人只能辨识十六种颜色,就象电脑的默认设置。桃色(注:英文的桃子和桃色是同一个单词),是一种水果,不是一种色彩。南瓜(注:英文的南瓜和南瓜色是同一个单词))也是一种水果。我们不知道紫红色是什么颜色。

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
(如果有了七年之痒,我们当然会去挠。)

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..
(如果我们问你有什么问题,你说没什么,我们就当真的没什么。我们知道你在撒谎,但我们认为不值得为此大惊小怪。)

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
(如果你问了一个不想知道答案的问题,那就等着听一个你不想听到的答案。)

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .
(如果我俩不得不去某个地方,你穿什么都无所谓。。。真的。)

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Cars.
(不要问我们在想什么除非你想讨论橄榄球或车。)

1. You have enough clothes.
(你有足够的衣服。)

1. You have too many shoes.
(你有太多的鞋。)

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
(我身材没问题。圆形也是一种身材。)

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
(谢谢你读这些。我知道我今晚要在沙发上睡觉。)

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
(但是你知道男人无所谓吗?就像在野外睡帐篷。)

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.
(传给男人看,让他们笑笑。)

Pass this to as many women as you can –
to give them a bigger laugh.
(传给女人看,让她们笑得更欢。)

http://www.huaren.us/dispbbs.asp?boardid=331&ID=1167633

5 responses to “男人们,请把这个贴在你家冰箱上,然后抱头鼠串…

  1. It’s so funny and so true!!! Love it.

  2. 偶是女滴,~~~^_^~~~

  3. 马桶座我觉得还是应该男人用后就放下,因为马桶座的default形式是放下的,男人用后应该物归原位不是?

  4. 这里面大多数条款都是关于女人说话太婉转不够直白的,其实很多女人在家里说话都很直白,有时还嫌不够婉转。

  5. 当笑话看还行,要真是这样的劳工,俺情愿不要啦。

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